Notes From the Cat Box

Max is busy writing today, so we have a guest blogger.  His name is Erwin Schrodinger the Cat, or Mr. Dinger for short.  

 

Notes from the Cat BoxMrDinger 

November 27, 2013

My pet human, Max, is pretty weird.  Selfish, too.  I mean, he wanted to sleep this morning at 5 AM when I wanted petted.  Then he fed me the wrong cat food.  I just had the salmon with gravy yesterday.  What was he thinking?  When I showed my displeasure by trying to trip him on the stairs, all he did was swear at me.  I guess he learned those words in the navy.  Certainly, no proper cat would even think such obscenities.

Anyway, right now he’s shut up in his office working on the next chapter of his latest novel, Timekeepers.  Or so he says.  Speaking cat-to-reader, I think he’s playing solitaire.  But he won’t ever let me in his sanctum, so who’s to say what he’s really doing in there?

He did spend some time petting me this morning before turning into a solitaire-playing hermit, but it turns out he wanted a favor.  It seems his novel Murder Me Tender released today, and he says he’s too busy to blog about it.  He wants me to do it!  I mean, it’s not like I don’t have a dozen better things to do.  Like lying in the sun.  And sleeping. Oh, and pooping.  Okay, so I’ve only got three better things to do.  Still, he did pet me this morning, so I guess I owe him something.

murdermetender_smallHe thoughtfully left his notebook computer open on his nightstand, with the electronic edition of his book right there for me.  The first thing that I noticed was the hunky guy on the cover.  Of course there’s a hunky guy on the cover.  This is Max’s novel, right?  I’d never do anything as shallow and human-like as judge a book by its cover, but I’ve got admit I can see where certain of Max’s species might be attracted by this guy.

The next thing I noticed as I pawed through the pages were the chapter titles: they are all song titles.  Really old song titles. Things like “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes” and “Don’t Know Much About Algebra.”   I mean, I know when Max passed his PhD comprehensive exam in algebra he nailed his copy of Rotman’s An Introduction to the Theory of Groups shut, so he probably really doesn’t know anything about algebra.  But what’s with that for a chapter title?  Like I said, it seems it’s always about him.  Instead of me.

Supposedly, Daphne du Maurier’s Rebecca inspired this novel.  I looked, though, and I couldn’t find Mrs. Danvers or Mandalay anywhere.  There’s a big mansion in southwestern Wisconsin, and an estate manager named Daniels, but that’s not the same.  Oh, there’s a May-December romance, too.  Well, it’s really more of a May-August romance, between Brandon and Rick, the estate’s owner.  I did notice that Brandon’s the only character who has no last name, kind of like the nameless narrator of Rebecca.  He’s pretty cute and whip-smart, but Rick’s a bit of a nebbish, like de Winter in Rebecca.  Who knows what Brandon sees in him.  My favorite character was Rick’s sister-in-law and ex-fiancé, Sandra. She cracked me up. I know there was no one like that in du Maurier’s novel.

The mystery had some twists that would make a nice CSI episode. Wait, I think something like this was in a CSI episode.  Brandon even mentions it.  In fact, it was in an old Columbo episode before that.  We felines have excellent memories. We’re smart too.  Smarter than Brandon, or at least we’re brighter than Max. After all, that doesn’t take all that many smarts. Anyway, I saw through this from the very start.  In fact, I wrote down the name of the murderer at the end of chapter one, and I was right!     So there, Mr. Smarty-Pants Author.

My biggest complaint about this book is that it doesn’t have any cats in it.  Who wants to read a book with no felines? There’s this stupid dog who drools and sniffs around.  If Max has time to write about dogs, why doesn’t he feature a handsome Abyssinian like me?  That would be way more interesting.

Despite the fact that it’s got no cats, I liked this book.  Tell Max I said so if you see him.  Maybe he’ll give me some lobster next time he feeds me.

Erwin Schrodinger the Cat

AKA Mr. Dinger

Murder Me Tender is available from Purple Sword Publications.

I got the idea to ask Mr. Dinger to be my guest blogger from Gary Pennick, whose Jack Russell Penny often appears on his blog.

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6 Responses to Notes From the Cat Box

  1. Breanna Teintze says:

    (Don’t tell Mr. Dinger, but I want to read the book, even if there’s no cats.) You CAN tell him he types very well for someone without thumbs. 😉

  2. Aha and look where I ended up. Hello Mr. Dinger and when that human Max, yes the human you so kindly allow to live with you, has finished writing, please say hello from me. And make sure that the dude starts feeding your cat food of choice.

    And well done to your human for the release of his book. My human’s book is not going to be released until the writing parole board make a decision. Books with no cats? What was he thinking…..

    Anyway, my human was sort of talking to your human on ‘Farcebook’ or ‘Facebark’, as I refer to it. And me being such an amazing dog have shared your posting to all those gosh darn fun social ‘notworking’ sites. Hello human, Lexa!

    Pawsitive wishes and thanks for the mention of my human’s site which I might just take completely over.

    Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!

    • Max says:

      Dear Penny,

      Ordinarily I’d not socialize with canines, but since you’re a superstar and you agree that my pet human is horribly misbehaved, I’ll make an exception in your case. I’ll relay your feeding instructions to him, but he never pays attention to my needs. Oh, wait a second, he’s scratching behind my ears at the moment…ahhhh….Okay, enough of that. I’m back.

      That facebark thing sounds like something I’d..er…sharpen my claws against. Yes. That’s what I’d do with it. I’d never dream of marking it with…well, never mind. I’d never do that. I do throw up sometimes, when Max has been especially bad. I’ve destroyed two stereo amplifiers that way.

      I sure hope your pet human is better behaved than mine. Yours sounds way smarter since he’s arranged to have a superstar owner, but that’s kind of a back-handed compliment. Max isn’t exactly the brightest electron on the intertubes.

      Anyway, thank you for writing to me. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship. Here’s lookin’ at ya, kid.

      Sincerely,
      Soon-to-be and highly deserving superstar Mr. Dinger

      PS Tell your pet to put cats in his novel. That’ll make it a best-seller. He can put dogs in too, if they’re like you.

  3. lexacain says:

    This post had me laughing all the way through! Mr. Dinger’s such a cat! (Of course, what else would he be??) It’s great he promo’d your book so you could play solitaire — er — work on your WIP. I hope we get treated to some more Notes From the Cat Box in the future. :-)

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